I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just forgot I was standing up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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