Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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