He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
