She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
