we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
