i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
