Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So much rum. So many feels.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
