Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's blow job season.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
