the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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