So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
