Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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