dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
