For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
