Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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