Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
