I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
