oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
