You work out of a Hotel?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
