Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
