Welp...herpes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
