I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
