you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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