What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think your dad took our porno
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
