Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize