I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
