I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
