I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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