i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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