So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's allergic to latex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.