I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..