ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
