my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket