If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want