dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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