You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???