I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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