so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
