Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
