My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
