So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
