I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
