i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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