i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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