My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
