I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
