Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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