So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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