I was born with a shot glass in my hand
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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