But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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