Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize