I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
