No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can Purell be used as lube?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
