I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
