We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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