She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
