We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
