Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
