I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
