Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
