I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
