Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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