It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
