Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.