I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.