Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.