I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.