you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books