toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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