She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ttyl tear gas
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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