And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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