Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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